Went to Giant's Causeway

11:03 PM

Today was a complicated day. Filled with different emotions. There was another woman who made prolonged eye contact with me, which I'll write about later.

We woke up at around 5 AM and headed out at around 6:30 AM to go to walk to the bus meeting spot. I only had a few hours of sleep, but that was fine since we would have plenty of time to nap on the bus. I told my dad to head out first since he has trouble walking and is slow, so he had a few minutes head start. We caught up to him much further than I expected, he was very far ahead, and I even power walked.

It's around a 20 minute walk to the bus meeting spot. We got there at around 6:50 - 7:00 AM, and there were already a bunch of other people there, even though the meetup time was 7:20 AM. Everyone made it by 7:10 AM or so, and we headed out exactly at 7:20 AM, without any pause. There were no procrastinators in this group.

The woman who sat on the other aisle directly to the side of mine, sat next to another woman. Anyway, this woman would keep staring at me and my direction, throughout the entire day, probably 50 times. It was prevalent, I kept seeing her in my peripheral vision. I confirmed she was looking at me when I looked back at her 3 times, and made prolonged eye contact with her 3 times. I would smile each time, and she wouldn't smile back. But she would just keep on looking. Anyway, it was also probably the view on the sides, since my side had a better view for parts of the trip.

The first place we went to was a a broken down castle. There's apparently a lot of castles in Ireland, over 4000 of them. Searching online, DuckDuckGo says there are over 30,000 castles. I mean, the definition of castle is pretty loose. Even a house can be considered a castle, or a tower considered a castle. I used to imagine castles as large stone walls with those overlooking sentry towers on the corners, surrounded by a moat, and you would need a drawbridge to enter, and in the center of the area is a large stone building, but the definition of castle seems to just be a fortified structure with thick walls, which is a very loose definition.

After that we went to Giant's Causeway. It's this mystical looking area that has all these jagged hexagonal shaped columns. I published an article that included it back in 2009 or 2010. To me the place looked unreal. I didn't think I would be visiting this place 16 years later.

I wasn't very impressed this time though, because in 2024 I went to Reynishverfisvegur, or the black sand beach in Iceland, with Wahl, and it had these similar basalt hexagonal columns. One thing for sure is that it looks manmade, but it isn't. It's some naturally occurring pattern.

My dad and I had some argument because I was unhappy with the pictures that he was taking. In reality I was unhappy with myself. We sat on a different bus for a quick way down to the Giant's Causeway, and I took some selfies of myself there for self reflection. I found too many flaws with my face and body. I hate nasolabial folds. But I can't help them appearing, and they only become more prominent when I smile. I hate getting older and just looking worse.

The thing is, I am so ready to just be loved and be in love. It's so easy for me to fall in love with anyone, but I have difficulty in getting anyone interested in me. That's why I have to focus on improving my appearance and gaining more wealth, to get love in return. And yeah I know people who don't have to work for it, like Markus, who can just get any girl he wants. He has shown me the text messages. He always brags that he doesn't even have to put in any effort. There were experiments where we talked to the same woman and he would get them to send him nudes within a few minutes, and they would just be cordial and friendly with me or even ghost me. Pretty much every woman he talks to instantly becomes 100% interested, all he has to do is send a selfie or a voice message, and that's it. I'm not him. And life is not fair.

It upsets me the more I think about it. That I just feel inadequate and unwanted. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think it's my race. Instant debuff to desirability.

Anyway from the studies I looked at, it's actually a good thing to reflect on the present, if it's negative. It's called mental contrasting, and it should be a fair assessment of where you are and where you want to be. I just want to be loved. That's really all. And I've come to learn there's pretty much no difference between lust and love. I want to be lusted after, but it seems like such an impossibility.

After Giant's Causeway we went to Belfast, which is another city up north. We had an hour walk tour, and then ate at this place called Seeds. My parents and I thought it was a vegan restaurant, and it was leaning that way, but they still served animal cruelty products. We just ordered the vegan options, and they were so good. They were so excellent. I'd eat here again right now if I could. The meals were superbly healthy and tasty, those are the best.

Then there was another 3 hour bus ride home. I took a nap. I took a lot of naps throughout the day.

At the drop off point, we walked for another 20-30 minutes to get back to the hotel. We took some photos in front of it, and then went to our room. I took a break and then went to the gym, took a shower, and started this entry.

I'm tired. I'm going to get less than 3 hours of sleep tonight, because we are leaving for the airport in around 4 hours. Can't wait for Portugal.