Still not feeling any better. I posted something on twitter "cis men continue to be absolute garbage fires. Get tf out of my life if you can't talk to me like a person." and Sona was personally offended and blocked me. I guess I should be grateful if he doesn't want to treat me like a person, going on about how I hurt his pride somehow... I really can't stand some people. So I should be glad....why aren't I happy?
I have everything I wanted don't I? I have a house, I can smoke my weed and play games all day for all anyone gives a shit, I have my plush collection....but I'm not going anywhere. I'm not doing anything with my life. I feel lonely and hollow instead of grateful and happy. I'm not sure where to go from here. My whole life is a huge fuck up. I hate myself. Of course no one else is going to like me.
I keep listening to the same couple of songs on repeat. It's like my entire life is stuck in a loop.
set some goals for yourself
@JustMegawatt I should, but I have no idea where to start. I guess starting with Habitica and getting that organized and making sure I get back onto a regular schedule is a start, but actual goals....I'm not sure.
@iyazo yeah perhaps your first goal should be to find out what goals you want to set for yourself. Like what do you wan in life?
@JustMegawatt That's a really tough question. Ultimately I want to be happy, but I don't know how to get there, and I don't want to be alone which is something else I can't do much about
tbh if Sona was purposefully misgendering you then good riddance. I know it doesn't make things feel better in the short term, but starting a relationship on that profound note of disrespect is a huge red flag. You deserve better.
@Achaius Thank you for saying so. It didn't set right with me that he said I disrespected his pride when he talked to me like that. It's still difficult and hurts, but it's probably for the best that I didn't get any more involved than I was. I might "deserve better" but it's really hard to find someone...
@iyazo I don't even care about being alone anymore. I've accepted that maybe I will be, but I'm fine. There's so many people online to talk to and chat with that even though I was alone all day today for my birthday, it didn't even feel that way at all.
@JustMegawatt I still worry about it sometimes because I don't do well on my own but.....well my psychiatrist and therapist said they think I should get a pet lol You're right about having lots of people to talk to online, but while I communicate best through text and I'm an introvert, I sometimes feel touch-starved to just be near another person.
I'm opting to never get a pet again, too much responsibility for me, they often die which leaves me emotional, and animal enslavement and all that.
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