Oct. 24, 2020

Awake

I keep having a difficult time falling asleep and my days have been blurring together meaninglessly. The other day I was out of ambien and I didn't realize until it was too late, so I just had to deal with that. Somehow I still managed to sleep through therapy and miss it. I have my medicine now. I think I've been consuming too much caffeine lately which hasn't been helping. I have a hard time knowing what time I should take my medicine to knock me out because there will be times I'm in the middle of something, but it will be really late, and other times it will be early and won't matter as much when I go to sleep. If I try to hold off until I'm tired and it gets to be too late I have the same problem, where if I take the medicine then I will wake up way too late in the day. Right now I'm thinking about how I should have taken it earlier this evening, now I'm awake browsing the games I haven't played yet, but not wanting to start something entirely new in the middle of the night. At least I don't have anything important to work on tomorrow. I could stay awake and play something, but really I should go back to sleep. I think I'm also thrown off because I took an accidental nap in the middle of the day and woke up at like 6 feeling a little out of it. I don't feel tired right now, but that's probably because of the caffeine. I guess I'll try to sleep at least. It might not work, or I might fall asleep playing a handheld game again... because when I rest even then I need to keep busy. I've been having trouble with intrusive thoughts lately and there's only so much I can do to ignore them. Some come from nightmares or just all the sudden... I'm on medicine for that, maybe the dose needs to be raised. I also avoid going to bed because I don't want to have nightmares or night terrors and sleepwalk.

Written by iyazo

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