Nov. 4, 2020

Appointment Update

This morning was a bit stressful between election results and having a virtual doctor appointment. I forgot to take an anxiety pill before starting the appointment and then in the middle of it, the doctor's feed cut out, and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if she would come back, and we never started talking about anything so I broke down into tears because I was so tired, stressed and upset. Finally, she did manage to fix whatever happened to her system so the appointment continued.

Eventually, I calmed down, too. So the appointment went well, I guess. She agreed with my decision to wean off of the meds I was on as they seemed to be making me unstable at the dosage I was on and the side effects were becoming unbearable. Of course, I was partly weaning off of them because of money issues at the moment, but whatever. I did the right thing by taking half doses the last week or so until I ran out.

She switched me to lithium which surprised me because my other friends with bipolar weren't given that until it was a last resort. Like try all of these newer, specialty made drugs first before going to the tried and true med. Of course, the side effects probably have something to do with that. This is only the 2nd med she's prescribed me. But I'm willing to try anything. I've felt so crazy the last few weeks. I just want to be stable. I'd rather it not be super depressed stable, but right now stable is my goal because feeling less depressed but completely unstable is not fun.

I start the lithium tonight. One pill each night for three nights to see how my body adapts. If I don't have any side effects then I can take two pills every night for a few nights. If I'm still okay, then I can up to three pills which I guess is the lowest dose they usually see results. After five days of three pills, I have to go have my blood drawn just to see how my body is dealing with the lithium.

Fingers crossed that I don't react to it and it works.

Of course, everything is really confusing right now because a lot of my symptoms could be coming from the sleep apnea. I go tomorrow to get the home test machine. Then have to take it back early Friday morning. I already never feel rested now have to do all of this. I just want to get it done so I can figure out what's wrong with me. It'll be another week before I have a virtual appointment to talk about the results of the home test. Then, I assume, if they say I have sleep apnea, I have to go in to be fitted and taught how to use a cpap machine (or whatever they decide I need) and then wait for insurance to approve that. It took two weeks to approve and get the appointment just for the home test. Ugh.

I'm not looking forward to this appointment. Last time I went out which was to the clinic of the first sleep med appointment and stopped at the store on the way home, I got sick. I just started feeling normal again last week. I don't want to get sick again. Ugh. And we have to go grocery shopping after the appointment because it's payday and we are out of food.

Then there's more stress because the 14yo is still having so much trouble keeping up with her online school. I had to email the principal and the counselor in charge of the online option yesterday and this morning. They both want to do zoom meetings or phone calls, but my anxiety is already at maximum because of the doctor appointment and the elections. I guess the counselor emailed my daughter like I told her and wants to meet in person which is also causing my daughter stress. Everything is stressful. But she refuses to do the zoom meetings. I just don't know what else to do for her.

And right now, with the elections, everyone in the house is on edge all of the time.

Well, it took me all day to finally write this journal because of keyboard issues and stress. I think I'm going to go to bed.

Written by justanotherjen

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