12:31 AM (of Wednesday, April 28th 2021)
Today is Tuesday, April 27th 2021 and it was another day full of mistakes for me. The past several days I have been doing "That" again, the number one main issue and addiction in my life. I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't know why I did it first thing this morning, but that's what I did. I did it several times this morning for reasons that baffle myself and of course I tired myself out, and I made myself hungry this way.
I ate through probably half a container of peanut butter. Probably ate 1600 calories just from that, just today. And I also ate another 2000 calories of rice and beans. So that alone bumps me up to around 4000 calories, and I ate a few bananas too. Just doing that activity to myself makes me hungry, sleepy, and tired. I think the hunger is just impulse now, even if I don't want to eat, I think I force myself to eat a bunch. I lost weight on Friday and Saturday, but I am pretty sure I gained it all back today and yesterday, because I also did "that" a bunch of times yesterday too.
I worked today too.
Today was another "rest day" because on days when I do "That", especially more than once, I lose motivation to do anything else. I really want to stop. I want to stop. But I don't know why I keep getting myself to do it. I'll try recording myself on camera for 24 hours again tomorrow, starting later tonight. So that I'm not tempted to touch myself.
Later that night I had a call with my dad. I showed him some designer and brand name items, like a white shirt. I asked him to guess how much it was selling for, he guessed maybe $150 or something, but I showed him the real price and it was $835. I showed him another shirt, this time with a fancy design. I asked him how much, he said maybe $200, I showed him it was $3250. It was a fun game we played.
Anyway I'm really sleepy now as I write this, so I'm going to sleep.
I can't believe designer clothes can even exist and sell for that much when a lot of people like me can't even afford a car or home... must be nice.
@iyazo Yeah, you can check out those items yourself by visiting one of the popular brand websites: Louis Vuitton, Dolce and Gabbana, and Gucci. You can just visit their men's shirt sections and they are selling for $800+ for a shirt. Maybe I should do a YouTube video $8 shirt vs $850 shirt. Except that would involve me actually having to cash out $850. And then spend a significant time actually editing and making the video look all nice.
@JustMegawatt That sounds like too much money and work tbh. As someone really into the band BTS, I've seen them go from nothing to all designer clothes- there are sites that find their looks and show just how much their outfits cost and it's wild!
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