July 2, 2021

Busy Thoughts

Too tired to do much of anything... I got a decent amount done today though. I skipped breakfast, so I went to the store hungry. Even so, I only spent like $38 and my food budget is $1500 (so I don't need to worry about food pretty much ever). Bringing back two big bags from the grocery store, up to the 4th floor, and down the hall all the way to the second kitchen, unpacking, labeling, and putting away all of my food was pretty tiring.

I went to chapel and sat behind Josh. I grabbed a small Bible on my way out. I figured why not, I've never actually read the whole thing. I'm here, it's free, might as well. It's actually a pretty nice small, light book with a soft vinyly smooth red cover that's nice to touch. Well... I haven't really read it yet 😅 Anyway, I already know what I believe in.

Ahh, I accidentally skipped lunch again and then realized that Mom's was closed, so I took a useless walk and decided to make a call to a local vape shop to see if they got in the CBD sour gummy worms I ordered yet. I would have walked all the way up north to get them, but they hadn't gotten them, there was a problem with the shipment... Oh well, I went home. That's weird to say. Most of the say I spent lounging around, but I didn't get back into bed and sleep all day. That would be a bad habit to get back into... and yet I turned off my alarms to sleep in tomorrow already. But who wants to get up at 6am on a Saturday? Ugh. Morning bad. *pulls blanket over head*

Anyway, while I was sitting around I wrote up my schedule, hour by hour, for next week when I start classes. They don't take up that much time, actually. After that I called around and rescheduled my therapy and psych appointments. Dang... my psychiatrist can't see me until mid August. I know my schedule will get busier once my few days of rest period end and then I have to get up early every day and do chores and have a scheduled Task... basically an unpaid job in order to live here. It was strongly hinted at that I would be sent to do kitchen work. I wouldn't be surprised if they make me a server, which is the thing I would least like to do, because I'm naturally charismatic so I put on a good face. Plus Tjwana's best friend whose name escapes me at the moment runs the kitchen, so I have a feeling she might pull for me herself seeing as we've already met a few times.

I am getting really fucking sick of fireworks already. Having PTSD is a fucking nightmare, I'll tell ya. I can't stop being on high alert every single time one goes off. No one cares that we're in the city, they still set off the big shit. At least Lancaster isn't as bad as Reading or Pottstown. Reading would have fireworks from June through August. Pottstown was just loud and a lot of street fights and violence... right at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was really freaking out. Yeah, that was not a good place to be. I'm at least glad that I'm here now. I do wish that I had more of my anxiety meds. I accidentally ran out, so I called to refill that today as well. I have one left which I'm saving probably for whenever I have to walk to the new pharmacy that I have to go to. I'm gonna miss my old pharmacist, he was nice... and another person who always remembered me lol

I guess I look pretty unique? At one point at the hospital there was a conversation about how only certain types of people can actually rock a mohawk and apparently I'm one of them. Or was, I guess. I looked in the mirror while thinking about that and thought about how I look. Brett had said to me that they wouldn't have guessed my assigned sex at birth if I hadn't told them. I like that. I actually really like that. I felt very gender-euphoric today. That's really rare for me. I didn't think I'd feel myself with a goatee but here we fuckin are?? Chin Tuft Chin Tuft Chin Tuft I'm gonna draw my fursona with a chinnnn flufft

Hhhhhhhh I still have not heard anything from Brett. I haven't been sending more messages because they're not being read. I dunno what's going on with this guy... At this point I'm thinking maybe they view me as just a comfortable person to be around and not romantic, though literally nothing has been said either way, I'm just assuming things.

Tomorrow's plans include... well, I still have to do laundry. Trying on the new stuff I got from meundies that came in. Looks like it'll fit, but I AM back up to 119 now so I dunno. How quickly I can gain and lose weight is ridiculous. And it doesn't show either. I don't have stretch marks from fat or anything presently. Where does it go?? (Envy...Heavy lol am big lizard)

Wwwwhat else happened today uhh oh, I was on time to dinner and I ate my rice and broccoli box in the park again. Ahhh maybe I looked sad?? Or maybe she knew because I had one of the lanyards.. Idk what it was but some lady passing me with her kids stopped and asked me if I was ok and I said yeah and she asked if I had enough to eat or if I was hungry or needed something and I said no. She goes no no don't worry about it and gives me a fruit rollup and a small bag of cheezits. That was really nice.

I started playing Pokémon go more since I got to the shelter since I do a lot of walking around. I can also hit two of the pokestops at the park from the chair by my bedroom window. Me and Auntie Mark hit best friends status today niceeeeee kinda takes away the sting of having missed most of the bidoof nonsense. Plus community day for tepig is tomorrow. A good fire type AND 3x catch stardust let's goooooooo

Written by iyazo

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