8:39 AM (of Thursday, October 15th 2020)
Today is Wednesday, October 14th 2020 and it was a pretty good and normal work day. There are some important tasks for me that are due in a day or two, but I kept getting other tasks assigned to me with higher priority interrupting my flow. So I worked on these other tasks first that could be completed faster instead of the important tasks due in a day or two. These other tasks took up my entire day, now I'm not sure if I can finish all the work I need to in time.
I haven't watched any movies or anything lately. I haven't been on Discord as much either. Some good things happened to me in that I met a very competent developer on Telegram a few days ago, and I've been helping him out on some of the projects he's been doing. It's been a pretty fun experience so far. We've worked on about 2-3 things so far and they have worked out well. Yeah I consider this a pretty good win to meet someone like that. Very cool. I don't have to do my own projects anymore because of how stressful and time-consuming they can be to start up, instead I can contribute to someone else's which takes off a lot more stress from me.
The past several days I have been wanting to go outside and walk. There's just always interruptions that take up my time though. Tonight it was homework and two projects we were working on. I was doing my homework at the same time I was chatting with him and others online. It was really distracting but my homework was so easy. The homework tonight was so extremely easy, that I would have been able to do it all in about 2 hours had I not had any distractions. With the distractions, it took like 5 hours to do the homework, but I was so occupied by both.
Actually there's nothing preventing me from going outside at any time. I have just been kind of afraid to go outside. I have some neighbors that have seen me this year I guess when I didn't look like such a mess, and when I wasn't this overweight. I've gained tens of pounds since August just sitting at home, eating a bunch, working on projects, spending thousands, getting stressed, and so on. Like this has been all time consuming for me, and I'm such a different person. From my perspective I barely changed in appearance due to how often I see myself in the mirror daily, but to outsiders who haven't seen me in a few months, I'd look like I exploded. So that's why I'm afraid of going out, because people would see how much I have changed in a bad way.
I've planned to go out either very early morning or very late at night so that people are asleep and I'm not as visible in the dark, but usually I also get distracted by other things during those times and the time goes by too fast for me to take action. Like it's very early morning in one moment, and then I do a few things, and then all of a sudden the sun is up and it's a few minutes before work starts. Same thing happens at night, except I end up falling asleep.
Anyway that was my day today.
I'm also afraid of going outside, although for me it's just anxiety in general. I went out today though. We can do it!!
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