rachelrae2003's Online Journals and Diaries

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Not Me Having a PTSD Panick Attack at 10:30 at night

Yea so I said the therapy session went great, it didn't. The thing is I am just dealing with the emotions now. My therapist was EXTREMELY dismissive. I am actually going to write her an email tomorrow asking to be discharged because I don't even want to see her again. I was already in the process of...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Dec. 4, 2025

Holy Sht My Childhood Was Fcked (Me Finally realizing how severely traumatic my childhood was)

I am starting to realize more and more how fucked my childhood was. I have been adamantly INSISTING that I had a good childhood. I think it was because I was so desperate to repair things with my parents. I also used the fact that my mom has changed as an excuse. Because she has. When I was a teena...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Dec. 4, 2025

How do you stay so strong, child how do you stay so strong?

"How do you stay so strong, child? how do you stay so strong? And the world falls down but we all need help sometimes, sometimes. It will pass my child, it will pass my child, Even though you're holding back tears through a smile, You will see the light after a while. There's still good in us, ...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Dec. 1, 2025

Rant/Vent/Art Therapy Session

I am sitting here in so much pain. I am so nauseous that all I have been able to get myself to eat was four gogurts (little yogurt packs). I am so tired of having to explain over and over to certain people, why can't they hear me and learn the first time. "You were fine yesterday" NO SHARON I WAS...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 30, 2025

Autistic Sensory Issues

I CANNOT WAIT until my hair has grown out and is all the same length. I am going to keep it shoulder length and will be trimming it myself because I'm not going to pay $50 or something to get less than an inch trimmed off, ridiculous. I don't need anything fancy just all the same length and shoulder...

Comments: 2 Words: 815

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 24, 2025

I Feel Like I'm Dying From This Pain

I really can't deal with this shit. This pain, there's no way it's fibromyalgia alone. I can't get in with a neurologist and my PCP doesn't want to do shit to help me. But my brain is having a hard time coming to terms with this. Because how can these doctors tell me I'm not dying when I literally...

Comments: 2 Words: 524

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 21, 2025

Soul Crushing Pain and Cheerful Christmas Lights

jesus christ every fiber of my being hurts. I am calling to see if I can get in with a neurologist sooner. I am also going to be getting a new PCP because it's become increasingly clear that my current PCP can't be bothered to do shit to help me. I can't wait for Thanksgiving next week. It helps ...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 21, 2025

It's Been A Living Hell but I get to see my family next week

It's been a while since I've been on here or pretty much any social media. I've even been neglecting to do the daily wordle game through discord I always do. I have been in a pretty horrific flare up. My symptoms are pretty soul crushing on a normal every day basis, but when I have a flare up or get...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 20, 2025

Beautiful sunset and Random Kindness

I had my physical therapy today. It was a bit more rough than the first appointment. I got my daily Physical therapy stretches and they have an app/patient portal where I can do my daily stretches. I was talking with my physical therapist and we agreed a rollator with a seat likely wouldn't help be...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 12, 2025

I'm done with these stupid games

I am trying to enjoy every last bit of fall weather before it is gone and winter is truly here. I despise the cold, but most of all I hate the grey dreary wet socks weather. Something I have been working on lately in my self reflection and growth journey is learning to speak with my own voice. I s...

Comments: 1 Words: 670

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 8, 2025

The Carrot And The Stick- My Thoughts On Christianity

Religion and psychiatry have a lot in common. I see both use the same manipulation tactics including gas-lighting, fear and coercion, and especially the carrot and stick tactic. Religion promises salvation through their god, psychiatry promises healing through their medications and psychiatric...

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rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 7, 2025

I'm So Tired of These Idiot Doctors

I'm so tired of these idiot doctors. They are so set on demanding respect for their title. Why? Because they went to school for a long time? Because they spent a bunch of money to sit in classes and study? I'm not downplaying the difficulties of studying or medical school. But it's not like they su...

Comments: 2 Words: 553

rachelrae2003 (Lvl. 30) - Nov. 6, 2025

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